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How to Pick the Right (Real) Guy

How to Pick the Right (Real) Guy

Life Mentor and Feng Shui expert, Aur, gives her advice on how to pick the right guy, sharing how she picked her husband and what she has to say about our criteria to pick the right guy for ourselves.

How I Picked the Right Guy

My husband and I got married within a month of knowing each other. That was almost 25 years ago, and we’re still together. But I didn’t pick him because of his looks (he’s pretty plain). I certainly didn’t marry him because of his charm. He took me to McDonald’s on our first date, and then only ordered food for himself. Certainly not prince charming.

I picked my husband, for three reasons. Firstly, he’s smart. He’s a computer expert with specialist skills less than 8 other people in the country have. Secondly, he’s able to make good money and provide for my family and me. Lastly, he has the mindset of wanting to continuously develop himself.

 

Be Honest With Yourself

Some people think that it is wrong to admit wanting to marry someone because of their skills or ability to make money. Even though, it’s what many people really want. It’s ridiculous

I made it a lifelong commitment to be myself and be honest with myself.  If I feel a certain way or think a certain way, I accept it, good or bad. Nobody should deny who they are. Man-made social rules or norms are made up. They don’t have to dictate how you act. Believe me,  by letting go of trying to maintain a social “image” to instead be yourself, gives you immense freedom. You’re able to do whatever you know is right or good, without needing outside approval. Or fearing their judgment.

If you want to pick the right guy for you, you must be honest with yourself. What you want in your life? What’s really important and valuable to you? What do you have to offer in return?

 

What’s His Unique Value?

Most couples start off the same way. They meet each other, feel naturally attracted, and then start a relationship. But it’s Maya, only a dream. Initial attraction fades, people aren’t who they originally seem to be and some people, although gorgeous, are dickheads.

When you start a relationship, you need to know the value of that person in your life. Ask yourself, what does this person have that, even when they’re old, fat, and losing hair, will still be valuable to have in my life. If you start a relationship from this point of view, you’re able to develop a deep, lifelong bond based on trust and real love.

Everyone has value and something that makes them unique. You do too. Acknowledge it. It’s beautiful when both sides of a couple know their own value and the unique value their partner has to offer. When they do, both sides show appreciation and make their partner feel valued.

It’s actually even in everyone’s best interest to create a relationship like this. Think about it. When someone makes you feel valued and irreplaceable in their lives, would you ever want to hurt them or lose them? No. Relationships built on honest reciprocal value and appreciation are priceless and last.

Why did you pick your partner? Did you pick the right guy? Leave it in the comments.

5 Qualities of Great Leaders

5 Qualities of Great Leaders

Observations and lessons learned from my Mentor, Aur, who has spent nearly 30 years as a private advisor to Forbes 100 members, International Business Leaders, members of Royal families and Heads of State.

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There is no 10 step plan to success. Every person’s path is different. Adele wouldn’t have come this far in the world of technology, and Mark Zuckerberg couldn’t even reach a basketball hoop, let alone rival Michael Jordan’s career.

“We’re all given the same 24 hours. We each have our own unique value and skills. The only thing that makes us different are our minds and how we make use of our time.”
Mentor Aur.

You can cultivate the personal qualities to become a person of greatness and an inspiring leader, whatever your field. Here are a few of the qualities that Aur, an advisor to many of the most influential individuals in the world, says truly great leaders share.

1. Great Leaders Put People First

The right priorities. A true leader knows the value of the people. If you ever talk to a truly rich person, they don’t want money. They want the right people. People are more valuable than money. Money is only a form of credit. If you have credit, you don’t need money. But the relationships you create with others provide you the greatest lifelong returns. Always protect and cultivate the valuable relationships you have with others.

“Great things in business are never done by one person. They’re done by a team of people.”
Steve Jobs

2. Great Leaders Know Your Team

How often is it that you have a boss or business partner who knows and understands who you are, your strengths, your weaknesses, your true value? Knowing your team has two benefits. One, when people feel cared about and valued, they become more loyal, productive and engaged in their work. Secondly, to be successful, you must know the value of the resources you have and how to use them. Think about a toolbox. There are wrenches, hammers, screwdrivers and other tools. You could use a wrench to get a nail through a piece of wood, but it’s not the best fit. The more you know about the tools you have, the more effective and efficient you can be.

As a leader, if you do not know the value and skills of each person on your team, you won’t know how to lead them to personal and organizational success. Know how to put the right person in the right job.

My main job was developing talent. I was a gardener providing water and other nourishment to our top 750 people. Of course, I had to pull out some weeds, too.”
Jack Welsh.

3. Great Leaders Know “My Way or No Way” is NOT the way

When someone wants everything done their way, they end up being the one who does all the work. To be a leader, you need to allow others to do their job, their way. Give them a level of autonomy and ownership over their actions. For you, step 1,2,3,4 may be the best way to do something. But, they may be able to get the same results from doing step 2,4,1. A great leader is open to improvement and suggestions from their team on how to improve the way things are done.

“No man will make a great leader who wants to do it all himself, or to get all the credit for doing it.”
Andrew Carnegie

4. Great Leaders Model Greatness

If one human being can do something, you can too. But, you have to see what’s different between you and the person who has achieved whatever it is. Look at why they can do it, but you have not (yet). Everyone has the same 24 hours. We have the same body given to us. Only the mind is different. Great leaders try to find out what kind of mind leads a person to success.

(almost) Everyone wants to rich or successful. But less than 10% of the population can really get there. Why? First, ask yourself; In the whole world, why do people have to come to you? There are others who do what you do What makes you unique? Next, money is credit. If you have credit, you don’t need money. Do you have enough credit (available value on demand) in this world to get where you want to be?
Mentor Aur

5. Great Leaders Think of Others Benefit

If you want people to join you in working towards your dreams, do you ever ask yourself what they get? Don’t tell me that your product or service (or charity) will change people’s lives and that’s why people will want to be a part of your endeavor. That’s bullshit. People need shelter, food, and medicine. You can’t eat air.

People don’t invest themselves into something, for nothing. Ask yourself first, “What’s in it for them?”, Before asking another to work with you. A Great leader will always think of another’s benefit first and make sure that whatever they want to achieve, is also in the other’s best interest too.

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
Henry Ford

Start Humbly

Keep in mind that many startups and even charitable organizations begin with the thought of “we want to help everyone” and subsequently fall apart shortly after. Many times it’s because they try to leap into something they don’t yet have the experience or capabilities to do. Be humble. Start something. Learn from each small step up.

For example, starting a charity. If you want to help the world, help the people around you first. If there are still people around you who are suffering, how could you possibly help the entire world? It’s a much bigger project than your direct surroundings. Start small first.

If you’re going into business, think first. Before setting lofty profit goals or calculating possible market shares for your products, know what you’re getting into. Calculate what you will need just for you and your people to survive first. Know how you will achieve this first. Otherwise, you will fail whatever business you do.

Great Leaders are realistic. They don’t daydream. Everyone can dream up whatever they want, but it’s just a dream if you don’t take action and make it into a success.

“The first step is to establish that something is possible; then probability will occur.”
Elon Musk

Ending the Karma of Stupidity

Ending the Karma of Stupidity

 I don’t want to look dumb

Nobody is perfect.  But, they don’t want others to see that. Or admit being stuck in the same destructive patterns over and over again. They’re afraid to look bad or for others to know their dark secrets. With this in mind, they’re the ones who suffer in the end. They live many lives in the same patterns, avoiding the same truths, making the same mistakes (dating the same shitty people).

Your Best Thinking Got you HERE

In ancient times, people knew that if you spent time with philosophers, you would learn ways to improve yourself and your life, becoming wise in the process. In contrast, if you associated with ignorant or arrogant people, you would stay stupid. Within the confines of your current patterns.

Your own knowledge and experience has created your life as it is today. This is what Karma is. Karma is the pattern you create through your own thinking and actions. What most don’t realize is how many lifetimes they’ve been making the same poor choices.

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”

Albert Einstein

If you want your life to change, you need others. There’s always someone smarter than you, who’s passed the stage you’re in. Whether a student or a genius, there’s something to learn from everyone. But it helps to be around those overall smarter or more experienced than yourself, to help lift your whole mental framework to the next level.

New York Best Seller, Tim Ferris, puts it this way (paraphrased): Always aim to be the dumbest person in any room you’re in. Every time you’re with people, seek the opportunity to learn something beyond your current capabilities.

Your Choice. Your Life.

Everyone wants to be successful and rich, so let’s talk about that.

Monk or Millionaire, everyone is seeking some status of success. The question is how many of them are crazy enough to fight till the end for what they want? That’s why we have rich people and poor people and why one monk can reach enlightenment whereas another won’t.

“Gladly would I have my skin and sinews and bones wither and my body’s flesh and blood dry up, if only I may hold out until I win what may be won by human strength, by human energy, by human striving” A Real Buddhawajana quote. (Download a Free Buddhawajana book here)

If one human being can achieve something, we all have the capability to do the same. But you have to have the mindset that you will fight till death to become better, to develop yourself, to get wherever it is you want to be.

Breaking Karma

  1. Seek your weaknesses and what’s bad in you.
  2. Learn from others smarter and more experienced than you are.
  3. Be 100% committed to becoming better.

If you follow these three things, your life will get better.

The 7 Habits Good People Share

The 7 Habits Good People Share

— A lesson by the King of Monks in Thailand. —

In a world obsessed with success, possessions, and recognition, it’s useful to remember a deeper goal we have all shared, ever since we were kids. To become good people. We all intrinsically want to be someone who is unequivocally good. Someone with a pure mind which others can look up to and trust, even if we don’t have money, status, fame, or power. Here are 7 (paraphrased) habits, suggested by the King of Monks in Thailand that you can cultivate today to help you on your journey to becoming such a person.

 

#1. Good People – Calm Their Ego

The moment you see yourself as important, powerful, or intelligent, you lose. You stop learning. People around you step back. No matter how “big” life you live, you’ll always be infinitely small in this universe. With this in mind, try to make your own self-image as small as possible.  It may sound depressing. But this doesn’t mean to lose sight of the value in yourself. On the contrary, it helps you to see the value of others. When you practice seeing yourself as equal to others or lower than them in some way, you become able to find things to learn from every person you meet.

With this perspective, people become more naturally open and trusting with you. It builds deeper relationships with others because you do not place yourself above them. Instead, they feel valued and important when with you. You also gain much more in the process. First, by practicing humility, competition with, or impressing, others isn’t necessary. You feel more relaxed. Plus you allow yourself to learn something from every person you meet.

 

#2. Good People – Are Content

Imagine having everything you want. What would you like? A big house? A boat? More friends? A cuter husband? Whatever it is, it’s likely something different than what you have now.  Greed is normally a problem for all of us. We desire more than we inherently need, and it ties us up in life. So, if it’s difficult for you to quell your thirst for material objects, try to shift your perspective instead.

Everything you own is a link in a chain that holds you down. When you buy something, it adds to your responsibilities and worries. Think about it. A new car means paying insurance, petrol, cleaning it, taking care of it, worries about something happening to it – like theft, scratches or dents. Not to mention any further financial burden taken on because of it. That cute puppy you want? He’ll need shots, food, and constant attention (forget long trips or holidays), plus he’ll die one day. These things may seem trivial now, but every little possession adds up until life becomes simply maintaining the things you have.

The human capacity for desire is unquenchable, without restraint. There is no limit. No matter how rich you get, there are still some things you cannot afford, or a bigger boat you could buy. Being content with what you have, takes practice. But, the beauty is, that once you train yourself to be content, you start to appreciate the things that you have. Until, one day, you don’t want anything more. You’ll be happy with what you have. Even if you lost everything you had, you’d be happy with what you had. Of course, it doesn’t mean that being content means being poor, it simply means being happy with whatever you have. Work on improving your life, while content with every step of the way.

 

#3. Good People – Refine and Compare.

Perfection is in the mind. Those who try to be perfect often set unrealistic goals or expectations for themselves and others. It results in stress, displeasure, and disappointment.  Do the best you can in every moment. Refine your actions, your abilities, yourself. Never expect yourself or anything you do to be perfect. Instead of simply being better than you were last time.

This goes hand in hand with comparing yourself with others. Most compare themselves to others, “keeping up with the Jones’s.” But, they fail to realize that the other person is on a completely different journey than them. The only person we should compare ourselves to is our past selves. Are you a better you, than you were yesterday? This should be the question asked. Refine yourself in each moment and keep track of your own progress in comparison to your past.

 

#4. Good People – Know When to Speak

In Buddhist texts, they explain how to choose the right time to speak. This is because words are powerful, but only if treated right. The more you waste your tongue on useless conversations or lies, the fewer people value what you say. If you want people to listen to you. Or, if you want what you say to mean something and have an impact, everything you want to say must pass through 3 filters of scrutiny, before deciding whether or not to actually speak the words. The three filters are usefulness, pleasantry, and truth. Before speaking, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it useful? Is it pleasant?

Here’s how to choose when to speak, and when not to.

When to speak

If it is true, useful, and pleasant, then say it.

If it is true, useful but not pleasant, wait for the right time to say it.

When not to speak

If it is true, not useful, but pleasant, don’t say it.

If it is not true, but useful and pleasant, don’t say it.

If it is not true, not useful but pleasant, don’t say it.

If it is not true, not useful and not pleasant, don’t say it.

 

#5. Good People – Realize that Reality isn’t Real

Nothing lasts. So how real can it be? Is reality real? Or more like a dream? This is a difficult concept to grasp. Even Einstein said that it was a persistent problem. But, if you can at least keep it in mind in difficult times, it will be of immense value.

Think of an ice cube, floating in the ocean. The ice cube is certainly its own separate entity with a specific shape and certain unique characteristics. Depending on its surrounding environment, it may grow in size or shrink. It may be beautiful, like a crystal, or dull and cloudy. But in the end, that ice cube will melt, like any other, and once again become part of the vast ocean.  Likewise, everything we see, including ourselves, will one day melt back into the world from which it came. Remember that. Every second is precious to be in the form you are in. See the value of each passing impermanent moment, but also remember – it isn’t actually real.

 

#6. Good People – Know that Gossip Sucks

Gossip is one of those things which is useful to none. The person who gossips loses people’s trust, wasting their time commentating on someone else’s life. For those who are the topic of gossip, no matter what another person says about you, it’s not who you are either. There’s a lot more to you than an ill spoken story.  Remember this. If others speak well of you, or poorly of you, it has nothing to do with you. If they say you’re bad, it doesn’t mean you’re actually bad. It’s simply their perspective. 

Even if you are bad, you can still improve. Everyone has areas where they can improve upon themselves. On the other hand, if people say you are brilliant or perfect, it doesn’t mean you’re there yet. Also, we both know the day you feel you’ve reached the summit is the day you stop climbing, which would be of no use to you anyway.  Just keep in mind that whatever people say about you to others, is not really you anyway.

 

#7. Good People – Don’t Worry About Success

Success, status, competitive achievement, in this world, are things we’ve made up. We based them on animalistic survival instincts which are – all in all – not necessary. They’re not bad, per se. However, we do often lose sight of other areas of our lives because of our affinity with primal ideas of success. The truth is, success creates slaves, not emperors.  We fight so hard for success, giving up our lives for it.

Success is like water. Once it’s in our grasp, it’s elusive. We struggle to maintain it, to develop it or reach one more step higher. Life becomes burdensome. Everything becomes about getting and maintain higher levels of what we believe success to be. The problem is, yet again, that human desire is unlimited and ever-expanding. It’s like money when growing up. A boy gets super excited about finding $10 on the street. A teenager needs at least $50 for buying video games, and by the time we’re adults, anything under a $100 dollars seems chump change.

The other side of success is ugly too. There are countless movie stars, athletes, performers and more who sink into utter depression after their “peak.” Many kill themselves, others become self-abusive. It’s difficult for a person who has sung in front of 100,000 fans screaming their name to accept not even selling out 1,000 seat theaters.

Don’t worry about whether you’re a success. Success doesn’t make emperors. It makes slaves. Instead, focus on becoming the best version of you. Educate yourself, refine yourself, and make yourself increasingly useful and valuable to others. Like an old Thai King once said. I do things I think will be useful and that is all…..I have no plan. Just like today we have something to do. We don’t know what the something is, but we’re going to do something that is good.”

Why Keeping Secrets is Bad for You

Why Keeping Secrets is Bad for You

Today’s “Secret Society”

In today’s society of selfies and social media, we seem to be ever increasingly concerned about maintaining a clean social image.The problem is, no body’s perfect. Everyone’s got good AND bad. But we feel we cannot let others know about our bad side out of a fear of rejection, punishment or judgment. We try to hide our cracks to protect ourselves. We cover up our dark sides with lies, misdirection, or by maintaining unspoken secrets. But it is our own protection that leaves us vulnerable. Let me explain,

When you have secrets, fear and apprehension grow inside of you. You become worried, afraid or ashamed of the people finding out everything you try so hard to hide. This makes you feel more protective, distant, angry, guilty and ashamed of yourself. All because of your secrets.

We feel devastated when someone finds out something bad about us and it can be destructive for our lives. People finding out about your shit can destroy romances, friendships, and even careers. Think about Bill Clinton and Tiger Woods. It was only because they had a clean reputation of the “perfect and monogamous man” that they lost it all. If they were honest about who they truly were, people wouldn’t have been shocked or reacted in such a way.

Lyndon B Johnson loved pulling his dick out in public and waving it at people. He was still the 36th president of America. Jack Nicholson, Russel Brand, Hugh Heffner have reportedly slept with a combined 5,000 women and are nevertheless seen as icons. Not to mention the many sports players who also have questionable sexual habits. Basketball champion Wilt Chamberlain says he’s slept with over 20,000 women, but nobody seems to care.

Drop the bullsh*t.

When you’re honest with the world (and yourself) about who you are, nothing can harm you. No need to look good. No need to hide. If you do something bad, it’s just part of who you are. You can use it as an honest lesson to improve in the future. If you do something good, you can appreciate that about yourself and build thereon. Embracing yourself, in all honesty, makes you calmer because there’s nothing to be afraid of. It makes you more confident because you finally accept yourself for who you are. AND it allows you to gain authentic and reliable relationships with others because they’re based on who you really are.

Better yet, you become unique in your social circles. In a plastic world of fake people, you become the one person people feel is “real”.

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